


Goodbye

by iamfitzwilliamdarcy



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-04
Updated: 2015-01-04
Packaged: 2018-03-05 07:16:58
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,417
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3110897
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/iamfitzwilliamdarcy/pseuds/iamfitzwilliamdarcy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>James isn't ready for Harry to go off to school.</p><p>(or the one in which I fic my own headcanon of James sobbing for hours after putting Harry on the Hogwarts Express for the first time)</p>
            </blockquote>





	Goodbye

It was one of the last good days of summer, when the sun made an extra effort to shine boldly, warming up the chilly almost-autumn air. It was a perfect day for seeing their son off to Hogwarts for the first time, and Harry practically bounced as he darted ahead of them, James encumbered by the trolley and Lily with him, holding his hand.

“Are you going to be okay?” she asked, when Harry got far enough ahead not to hear.

“Of course,” he said, insulted. “Why wouldn’t I be?” 

“Uh-huh,” Lily said, raising her eyebrows, but she didn’t push it. Instead, she called, “Harry, dear, wait for us.”

He froze almost in place before turning to look at them as they approached. “Well, hurry up!” he called back, fidgeting. He’d been awake since at least five that morning, and nothing was going to quash his excitement or slow down his enthusiasm.

James slowed, taking giant steps, acting as if he were struggling. “I don’t know if I can,” he said, pretending to push with all his might and barely move. “Something’s holding me back. This trolley is too heavy; I’m not strong enough. Go on without me.” Letting go of Lily’s hand he collapsed across the handles and laughed when he heard Harry whine, “Dad, stop.” 

“Stop? You just told me to go!” 

Harry folded his arms and glared at him seriously. The effect was ruined when he had to push up his glasses. “You’re so weird.”

“Get a move on,” Lily said when James’ hand lept dramatically to his heart.

“Yeah, Dad, get a move on,” Harry said, and James did, giving Lily an affronted look.

They arrived at the wall between platforms 9 and 10. Harry squinted suspiciously. “Where’s the platform?”

“My son, you have much to learn today,” James said, but before he could go on, Lily added, “It’s behind the wall.”

“You’re ruining the mystery and intrigue and great explanation I had planned. You listened to me rehearse it for two hours last night.” 

Lily ignored him and kindly did not point out over half of those two hours was spent listening to all the reasons Harry was not ready to go to Hogwarts and they should wait another year before sending him.

“You go through it really,” she continued. “You can walk or run, if you’d like.”

“We can go together,” James offered. He almost held out his hand, but Harry thought he was too old for that now and so he said, “Help me push your trolley through?”

“Sure.” Harry came around and gripped the bar. They let Lily go first; she walked towards the barrier, leaned casually against it, and disappeared.

“See?” James said. “Nothing to it, kiddo.” 

“I know that,” Harry said, but he moved subtly closer to James all the same.

“Ready to go?” Harry nodded firmly and they set off together. As they neared the wall, Harry squeezed his eyes shut, and James put a hand on his shoulder. As soon as they were through, Harry darted away from his parents to stare up at the giant red train.

“Wow.” James just barely caught it, more breath than a word actually spoken, but his heart still skipped a beat. His son was still just a child, a baby really, only eleven, and whose bright idea was it to send eleven-year-olds away to school for months at a time, away from their parents? 

“James,” Lily said, nudging him and interrupting his thoughts. “You’re blocking people.”

“Oh, right.” James shook his head. “Right.”

“Come on, Dad,” Harry said, coming back to him, smiling so widely James didn’t think it was fair. “Let’s go find a compartment!”

“Alright, alright, I’m coming,” James said, laughing as Harry emphasized his point by tugging on his sleeve. “Here, you take Hedwig, I’ll get your trunk.”

“I’m going to say hi to Alice,” Lily said. “I’ll be right over there. Hurry back or we won’t have much time for good-byes.”

She kissed him on the cheek as he hefted Harry’s trunk. “Always leaves me with the heavy lifting, she does,” he said to Harry who just asked him why he didn’t use magic to carry it.

James waved him off. “Too crowded. I’d probably whack someone and then we’d be in a right mess.” 

James got him settled on the train, in a compartment with another trunk already. The other trunk caused James to start worrying again—what if the owner wasn’t very nice? Would it have been better to settle him in an empty compartment? But what if no one sat with him and he made no friends that way? 

You’re being ridiculous, he told himself firmly as they made their way back to see Lily.

Lily wrapped Harry up in a hug and told him to behave himself while at school, to have fun, to remember to write. She kissed his cheek, and then it was James’ turn. He pulled his son close, throat constricting as Harry’s skinny arms squeezed him back. James had been so sure he could control himself, but next thing he knew, tears were streaming down his face. 

“Are you okay, Dad?” Harry asked, voice muffled against James’ shaking chest. 

“Yeah,” James managed, swallowing thickly. “Yeah. I’m just going to miss you so much, bud.”

“I’ll miss you too,” Harry said, and his voice sounded smaller, as if in his excitement, he hadn’t actually considered being separated from his parents for so long. 

“You can come home whenever you need to, or I can come see you if you need me, okay?” James said. “Just write or ask Professor Dumbledore, okay?”

Harry nodded against his chest as the whistle blew a warning. James gave one last squeeze and pressed a kiss to Harry’s head. “I love you, Harry.” 

“Love you too, Dad,” Harry said, and then he was gone, back onto the train, leaving James standing on a platform, sobbing.

Lily wrapped her arms around him. “He’ll be okay,” she whispered.

“I know,” James said. “I know.”

They waved until the train was long gone, and still tears streamed down his face. Lily drove them home; she was better with cars, anyway, had always insisted on having one even though James didn’t see much use, and he wasn’t exactly emotionally sound enough. He was still crying—the full-on gasping sobs—when they got home. Lily patted his shoulder before heading up the steps. 

“Hello!” she called, and James trailed in behind her, and Sirius, flocked by two Potter kids shouting greetings to their parents, came out of the living room. 

“Hi Jeff, Daisy,” Lily greeted, bending to give them each a hug. 

“How’d our guy do?” Sirius asked and Lily laughed.

“Harry? Perfectly fine. This guy on the other hand?” she jabbed a thumb in James’ direction. “Well, you can see.”

“Oh come off it,” James said, rubbing at his eyes. It didn’t help stem the flow of tears.

“Yes!” Sirius crowed. “You owe me 10 galleons, Peter!” he called into the other room. 

James managed to looked scandalized beneath fogged glasses and puffy red eyes as Peter poked his mousy head around the doorway. “You bet on me?” he asked.

“Yeah,” Peter said, shaking his head. “Thanks a lot. And before he gets all gloaty, Sirius cried for a good half hour after you left, and Remus has pictures.”

Sirius and Peter began to bicker, and Lily fussed over the dirt on Jeff’s clothes. (“Were you flying when you weren’t supposed to be?” “No, honest!”)

And in the midst of the ordinary chaos, the real natural order of things, slowly descending again on their house, James felt a tug on his sleeve. 

“Are you okay, Daddy?” Daisy asked, staring up at him with his own eyes, red curls in pigtails. James wiped at his eyes again and smiled down at her before picking her up. She was nine, far too big for it, but neither really seemed to mind today. 

“I’m just find, sweetheart,” he said. “Come on, let’s get some lunch.”

“Good idea,” Lily said, straightening up.

“Can we have mac ‘n’ cheese?” Jeff asked.

James let his hand rest on his younger son’s head. “Of course.”

Daisy pressed a kiss to his cheek as they headed towards the kitchen, and the feel of her lips against his tear-stained face, his son’s soft hair against his palm, set him off sobbing once more because oh God he was going to have to do this again.

**Author's Note:**

> i went a little overboard at the end i think trying to fit the kids in (so it feels a little forced to me but i hope it doesn't to y'all) but i am convinced james and lily would have had a ton of kids and it just kind of got away from me a bit (actually i had to stop before this turned into a full-fledged series of novel length proportions because i just can't do that)


End file.
